Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda

Andromeda Gambling Jokes

Beka's Blackjack

Beka stopped off at a casino to get in some quick gambling. She wasn't doing well so she decided not to tip the dealer, and the dealer got a little huffy with her. "You know," he said, "It's courtesy to tip the dealer."

"You get paid to do your job," Beka said. "Besides, I'm losing. I don't tip you when I'm winning, so why should I tip you when I'm losing."

"It's the principle of the thing," the dealer snarled. "You tip your waiter at the restaurant, don't you?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"Well, the waiter serves you food. I'm just serving you cards."

Beka looked down at her cards. She had thirteen. "Okay," she agreed. "But the waiter gives me what I ask for, so I'll take an Eight, thank you."

A Nietzschean, a Magog, and a Nightsider

A Nietzschean, a Magog, and a Nightsider got together to gamble every Saturday night. The New Commonwealth was trying to stamp out immorality, so they raided the three gamblers' hideout. The gamblers heard the officers coming so they hid their playing dice.

A Commonwealth officer went up to the Nietzschean and demanded to know if he was gambling. The Nietzschean looked up from a tattered copy of ATLAS SHRUGGED and said, "If I were gambling, I'd be winning, and if I were winning, would I be reading this tattered old copy of ATLAS SHRUGGED?"

The officer thought for a moment, shrugged, and turned to the Magog. "Have you been gambling?" he demanded.

The Magog looked up from a plate of earthworms. "If I were gambling," he said, "I'd be winning. And if I were winning, would I be eating earthworms?"

The officer shuddered and turned to the Nightsider. "Have YOU been gambling?" he asked quietly.

The Nightsider looked up from behind a huge pile of money. He said, "If I were gambling with a Nietzschean and a Magog, and winning, do you really think I'd survive the experience?"

But the officer looked at the pile of money and he said, "Okay, where'd all the money come from?"

"Well," the Nightsider replied. "The Nietzschean was pretty bored when he arrived, so I sold him an old copy of ATLAS SHRUGGED. And the Magog was hungry when he arrived, so I scrounged up a snack for him."

"And you charged them all that money for an old book and a plate full of earthworms?" the officer demanded.

The Nightsider looked a bit uncomfortable. "Well," he said slowly, "it was either that or sell them the loaded dice."

Beka, Trance, and Rev

Dylan wanted to enforce tighter discipline aboard the Andromeda Ascendant, so he forbade all crewmembers to gamble. Tyr proved to be no problem. He felt it was beneath a Nietzschean to gamble with any other species. Harper was cool, too, since his luck was so bad he was afraid he would never win a game. And Rommie was pure High Guard discipline all the way.

However, one day, Dylan noticed that Beka, Trance, and Rev Bem were nowhere to be found. He asked Andromeda to report their location.

"They are in a cargo hold on deck nine," Andromeda reported.

"What are they doing in there?" Dylan asked.

"I don't know," Andromeda said. "But it sounds like they might be playing poker."

Infuriated, Dylan rushed down to the cargo hold and he burst in on the three miscreants. However, by the time he got there, Dylan only found Beka, Trance, and Rev sitting around an empty table.

Dylan turned on Rev Bem first. "Rev, tell me you were NOT gambling on MY ship!" he yelled at the Magog.

Rev meditated silently for a moment. "If I admit to gambling, I will disappoint Dylan tremendously," he thought to himself. "Surely the Divine will agree that my lying to Dylan now is better for the universe in general."

With that resolve in his heart, Rev Bem looked Dylan straight in the eye and said, "No, Dylan. I have NOT been gambling."

Dylan was a bit skeptical, but he couldn't believe Rev Bem had just lied to him, so he turned to Trance. "What about you, Trance?" Dylan asked. "Have YOU been gambling?"

Trance thought quickly to herself: "If I admit to gambling, Dylan will fall out of harmonius balance, and I may have to cut another branch off my little tree. I cannot do that."

So Trance, too, denied gambling. Dylan was dumbfounded. He was sure Rommie was right about the poker game. Still, he turned to Beka, who sat there, looking at the three of them thoughtfully.

"Beka," Dylan said with a slight note of resignation in his voice. "Tell me the truth. Have YOU been gambling?"

Without hesitating, Beka quickly replied, "With whom?"

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